Revolutionise me

xmayhem @ 2006-08-09T02:25:00

2006-08-08T18:29:36Z

i cant decide which one i like better. but these are so far, the first decent up-front photos of me. yikes.

and i'm not even looking into the camera. i should invest in good sunglasses that won't further emphasise my tranny-ish features.

pussy popping day

2006-08-08T18:16:22Z

somebody needs a change of oil.
and i mean ME.

:(

only god knows the fury of a girl unsatisfied. okay maybe not. :x

i actually found out i'm very reserved.. even with eddie. come to think of it, i've always been reserved.. i wish i could open up to someone. and then have mindblowing sex after. maybe not.

we've had wireless internet for 2 weeks now. and for the past 14 days, i've been going to bed (no, actually "going to sleep" since i'm on the bed WITH the laptop) at 3am, consistently. if only i had such intense enthusiasm towards my studies as i do toward clicking the refresh button on the fucking sgselltrade server, i'd have scored myself that SembCorp scholarship. or at least QUALIFY for it. see here's the deal:

i wanted to go to paris for the study trip thingy (ultimately because i wanted to escape the poly forum chalet, eeew). get this, the trip costs 3grand, before subsidy of course. and because i already visited FUCKING KOTA TINGGI with my classmates, i didnt qualify for subsidy for the paris trip. the school has some policy on 1-subsidy-per-student-every-3-years-shit. so, because i got a measly $70 subsidy for that kota tinggi trip, i wasn't getting the $1.5k subsidy for the paris trip. GAK SO UNFAIR!

so anyhows, i told my lecturer, Mr L about it. and he totally went ballistic on me, i don't know why. he was shouting at me in front of the whole class about how stupid the finance division in our school is bla bla bla but he made it sound like i did something ungodly that humiliated ngee fucking ann. fast forward a whole lot of shouting, i asked if he could help me talk to the finance div person. now get this, he really wanted me to go to paris so i'll be the poster girl of Mechanical Fucking Engineering in Ngee Fucking Ann Polytechnic. after a whole lot of trouble, he finally did get me that $1k subsidy. k lar, good for me, over the moon.

AND THEN SHIT HAPPENED. my trusty dad announced that he'd be retiring by year-end = no money for siti to go to paris. w0-i4v5vu01395iv censor censor censor. let's just say that i hope that fucking bitch in indonesia dies so he can't wire any more money to her. told Mr Jean i couldnt go for the trip. then 2 weeks passed and Mr L asked me how the trip preparation was going, in class. told him i had to cancel it (even though i passed the interview, which was done over the phone, excusez-moi) because of my dad. he didnt talk to me the rest of the day. FUCK? what kind of a lecturer are you? oh wait, i know. the kind that only shows up in the office at 8am and scuttles off at exactly 5 everyday just so he'll get a big fat paycheck every 11th of the month. motherfucker.

that same afternoon, he sent out a slew of e-mails (okay fine just 1. but it doesnt hurt exaggerating) regarding some SembCorp scholarship to fucking undeserving students. of course i wasn't in that list la. for obvious reasons. sigh. oh well it's okay. i hope that student who gets that scholarship will choke on all that rubbish SembCorp processes *evil grin*

i'm so horny. :( i wish i was a boy. so much easier to wank. :(

are lesbians more.. assertive? i wish eddie was a girl. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hint hint hint hint hint he probably won't read this anyway.

I NEED TO BURST. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

okay on to poor quality 2-megapixel grainy phone camera pictures! <3

i actually love my hair in these. can you believe it's tied up?! sigh i hate my hair. LOL

oh yeah and i captioned the last picture "this is my friend jonny from thailand. he just had his operation." on MySpace! LOLOLOLZZZX~!

xmayhem @ 2006-03-16T16:33:00

2006-03-16T08:35:21Z

i miss his old hair..

i wish we were like carlos and nicole.. :(

a mannequin of sorts

2006-03-11T19:01:16Z

sometimes i wonder.

3am (the unholiest hour)
donning neon pink 1980s dress,
with free expensive jeans..

unbalanced eyes,
some sort of hormonal imbalance.

i just want to sex you up
until we both bleed
but then,
are you worth it?
are we worth it?
for a moment, i think not.
and the next, otherwise.
i wish you knew how to show me you want me so bad.
or maybe you really dont want me that bad. dont want me at all?

and all i wanted was a simple thing, a simple kind of life. and all i needed was a simple man, so i could be a wife.

a high-class hostess,
beer and peanuts.
thats what my father said.
and a high-class hostess i will be.

i always was the one with all the love.
you came along, i'm hunting you down.

sometimes i wish for a mistake
but i am myself a mistake
a mistake you made
a mistake you dont want to erase

tonight i'll sleep in a bath of your beauty
wrapped in pressed wool
your dna trapped in its intrinsic structure
tricking love into tried and tired neurons
oh i love you so,
i'm deceiving you so.

"now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life"

hier soir j'ai vu le diable dans le ciel

2006-03-01T09:08:36Z

i am the secret housekeeper.
i know the nooks and crannies, the sexes and the cracks.
i talk to voices under the sofa.
i dance to the marble music the "neighbours upstairs" play.
i see new york out my window.
i see virginia and then south carolina.
i hide the pills so nobody will leave me.
i clean the ungodly stains in my pants.
i sweep life out from under the television set.
i fold the leaves of eden, cheap threads here and there and the occasional 20-dollar piece.

alors, je vais à l'école.

i really dont want to live. because i dont want to pay bills and see my 16-year-old daughter through her abortion(s).

</3

some sgselltrade stuff

2006-02-24T14:01:54Z

#1

$9.90 (without postage)

#2

$9.90 (without postage)

#3

$12.90 (without postage)

Estimated postage is $1.
Meet-ups are also possible.

parting words you won't like.

2005-08-26T02:51:53Z

imagine life in Sodom. wish i could. brave enough to push my lick in.
i'd like to think i('ll) lick good.
i know who licks good.

you can't really choose what you dream, can you?
if i could, i'd re-dream the 'next top model' dream i had a week or two back.
but this time i won't hold back. i'll stick my finger up, press my lips into her teeth.
oh but the thought of it.. makes me want to hurl the cat-food-on-toast i had an hour ago.
typically inactive; non-practising,
bisexual.

i know there are many of you who'll want to (try to) bash me. ;)
no thanks, but i get banged enough.

ally hilfiger? is that what she's called?
we'll just call her rich girl.
i wanna be her.
money'll get you anywhere; give you anything.
give you a pretty plastic face. yumm.
rich girl rich girl bo bich girl. banana fana fo fich girl. me my mo mich girl.

STICK AND RUN STICK AND RUN STICK AND RUN.

anybody can help me record the faders on MTV this saturday at 3pm?
i'll give you the VHS and haagen daz. flavour of the month of course; ce n'est pas cher.

love!
dont expect to be added.

d'accord
siti out.

faux pleasure

2005-08-19T09:31:50Z

i'll never find the words to describe.

its like driving down queenstown and margaret drive.
its like listening to garbage's "milk".
its like being 4.
it'll be like looking for an apartment in tanglin halt.
it'll be like being emiliana's keyboard.

and to prove to you i'm not self-centred, i'll tell you about my classmates. (what a mood killer for me)

kelvin skipped school from 9 to 3 and only came for math class from 3 to 5. he was at the hairdresser's the whole day and walked into class with a new shave and nice bluish ash patches in his head. and he didn't ask me questions every 5 minutes like he used to. :) but that's only because he decided not to do his work and was chatting on #aj.

harry's girl friend is having her n levels now so he can't call her at night as often as before/he'd like. he's still the smartest boy in class. and i'm the smartest girl in class. HAHA, don't you wonder how/why.

kathi watched slipknot for free and took tons of pictures. including one with the guys without their masks and make up on.

fitri is the only boy in our class who'll be going to terengganu for an excursion trip. and the other boys have forbidden him to talk to the girls there because he has a girlfriend already.

:x

okay, eddie talk-time! :D i miss my chouchou.

best friend are worst enemies; taking back sunday should know.

2005-08-16T04:25:19Z

god i'm such a fucking wimp.

YARGHYARGHYARGHYARGH

firstly, i'm happy nihaad is going to focus on her studies after the success of her gig.

second, i'm sad i didn't get to play a part in putting up snr's second instalment of ppp.

third, let's just say i'm not a good friend. no, no. this is gonna sound warped. but. to me, the best friend would say to my face what she HATES about me; what she just can't fucking stand about me. so up to date, i have like maybe 2 people in that list; plus some names who aren't so direct to me (read: i heard you heard she said something about me from something someone heard, bla bla bla). yes, i'm the worst kind of friend because i'll be nice to you; i won't say mean things to you.

BEEBEEBEEBAAAAAABOOOOOP

i feel like its my duty to protect dani. for reasons i cannot disclose. AHAHAHA
and i feel like slapping nihaad with a trout (ala mirc hohoho).
and i want eddie to shift house. pasir ris is evil, boy.

min, min bo bin. banana fana fo fin, me my mo MIN!!! *^*

forgotten rockstars with lives going down,down,downhill.

2005-08-15T06:19:22Z

to the pathological liar and pseudo intellect in all of us,

cheers.

xmayhem @ 2005-08-15T09:10:00

2005-08-15T01:14:11Z

the first morning apart killed.
waking up for a reason. this is not my life.

goodbye keyboard! WOOHOOOHOOOO!
just when i got inspired by mae's pianist.
but now it'll be put to good use. :)

being a straight-a student sure is hard work. hurhur

rants

2005-08-15T00:44:13Z

sex at 9am
mambo italiano rock
halved chewing gum
police, cigarettes
les cigarettes
bank transfers like bah
3 million, four hundred and sixty thousand.
dollars, i wish.
old men in burberrys
jenny and marina.
marina and sofia.
bizarre love triangle new order.
black lies, white lies.
lies of different shades of grey.
friends
"that bitch. she thinks that she dont stink"
secrets you keep from friends.
"she thinks she's the queen of the neighbourhood"
excuse me mr russo.
je suis russe.
tu a stupide.
babelfish and translations.
wrinkling kd lang.
marduk sex.

OH IF I HAD A GUN, YOU'D ALL BE DEAD BY NOW.

Fair enough.

2005-08-07T14:39:26Z

Heartburn and an STD.

This miso soup paste I bought has alcohol in it. God damn ingredient labels. No more Genen miso soup or cookie dough Ben & Jerry's for me. BAH. Men.

EMO ROCK CHICK PROM QUEEN (not a wannabe!) ;)

2005-08-07T03:54:59Z

And to the Arab Princess in our hearts, a mighty HAPPY SEVENTEENTH, YOU SUCKER!!.

Haha here's to the days when we behaved like we owned school, when we visited Joshua ever so often until one day he disappeared into the wilderness of Tekong, when we thought breezers were teh shit, which we spent painting our nails in your living room and then jumping into the pool, HUMPHREY HAN because, because, when we took the NEL together....

My head is spinning now. I miss everything.

Hope you had fun sheesha-ing last night. Haha :)

xmayhem @ 2005-08-06T00:20:00

2005-08-05T16:26:16Z

Because all songs in E minor sound the same.

Because some bad friends grow onto you; into you. And then you realise life is nothing without filth; without them. It's alright. We've all been there. I'll wait for you at the other end.

Because some people are just plain neurotic. And because I'm too big a wimp to edit my friends list.

he eats me good.

2005-08-04T16:31:40Z

You know, Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes" is beautiful.
And what's more beautiful is the fact that I can finally relate to the part "there's a man I chose".

xmayhem @ 2005-08-03T00:13:00

2005-08-02T16:14:36Z

You know you're not paying enough attention to your boyfriend when his Sims character has 2 gay partners.

Stolen from Zal for Eddie to see.

2005-08-01T03:27:00Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Saturday, a van sped past the red light a hit a young boy.

They're just doing this for their 10%.

2005-07-27T16:44:14Z

Bitchy lecturers and lazy, asinine project mates suck balls.
:(

I'm joining GSF.

Lucky media students get to discuss FGM and stuff while we engineering students try hard to sound smart rephrasing "extended family living is encouraged by the government through the use of grants and incentives". We're blasted at (by the lecturer) for saying out our ~~sour~~ real views. She just wants to hear "I think that the government is also trying to play it's part to build up the bond between the family". Everyone ends their comment with a smiley for fear that people will get offended by their comments so it serves as a pre-truce thing. Fuck? So much for Board Discussions. I'm gonna be a comment-whore and reply to everyone's comment on the forum.

Gay teens executed in Iran

2005-07-24T14:52:48Z

http://direland.typepad.com/direland/2005/07/iran_executes_2.html

(Dee, I hope you don't mind me putting this up)

We're lucky the whole world isn't Muslim. If not, 10% of the population would be hung/stoned/chopped/pushed off a cliff just for loving someone of the same sex.

And another 50% wiped out because they had/(ve) sex before marriage.

By the standards of these bloody Iranians anyway. It's like a worldwide holocaust.

(They continously violate international laws of the CRC)

Seriously, I NEED to be agnostic. Or atheist. Or whatever. I'm going to hell anyway. :D See all of you there!

and because i'm such a whore

2005-07-20T12:59:45Z

I'm posting like excited rabbits.

2005-07-20T10:26:19Z

"Young girls too are not spared. The media’s tendency to portray very young girls in sexual ways is increasing. Over the past decade, the fashion industry has begun to use younger and younger models. Camera angles (where the model is often looking up, presumably at a taller man), averted eyes, wounded facial expressions, and vulnerable poses mimic the visual images common in pornographic media."
- my plagiarized report on media stereotypes.

Reminds me of those "emo" shots girls indulge in. Not that I loathe them. I don't!

xmayhem @ 2005-07-19T23:43:00

2005-07-19T15:51:59Z

LOL.
(you know i'm not feeling well when my entries start with LOL)

I was just reading this girl's blog. Muni passed me the link. LOLOLOL!

Reminds me of when bacardi breezers were oh-so-cool and vodka was so-hardcore and if you didn't get pass hooch, you were a loser. And smoking at the windows and getting caught by the maid from the opposite apartment.

What were we thinking?

No, actually, I miss being 15. No sex no drugs no wine no women no you no fun.

Let me tell you about 15.

I had bad hair life. And was convinced I was in love with a girl. HAHA!
Not that I'm not in love with girls right now. I am in love with Aisyah and Serene and Claire Danes! And Eddie is a half-girl, so there.

15, 15. Okay, I forgot the rest of 15. I'm sure we had tons of sleepover's at Nihaad's. I think we saw satan in the sky when we were 15, yeah. Oh yeah, I cracked my leg when I was 15. And then I cracked a toe when I was 16. I wonder what I'll crack this time. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

My mom just banned me from dyeing more shirts. :D

signs we're dying.

2005-07-18T12:31:55Z

"Recognizing that young people can effect positive changes in the society; UNIFEM Youth Singapore, a corollary of UNIFEM Singapore, is formed."

Tell me where I can find these "young people"? Don't say NYC and YMCA and whatever.

Okay so I'm biased plus you wouldn't really expect it from the circle I bla bla bla bla....
My doppelganger MUST be out there somewhere..
I remember I used to be narcissistic.. claiming I would sex her up and shit like that.
Now I just want someone to talk to, pretend I'm smart with. Who better than yourself?
Eddie and I are approaching our 8th month. :)
My pussy and I just pulled through our 17th year.
My face and I just broke up.

You know, I want David Usher's first cd.

More confusion for me, yay!

xmayhem @ 2005-07-17T01:27:00

2005-07-16T17:43:49Z

it's impossible to be transparent here.

we're seventeen but we're so screwed.
we're gonna get cancer by the time we turn 25.
half of us will get deathrow for smuggling/growing weed.
our sisters will have shotgun marriages.
our brothers will be filthy rich living in dubai.
our husbands will have paunches.
our wives will get sick of sex.
our bosses will reek of cheap perfume.
our clients will have runs in their stockings.
oh and our parents will live off their cpf.

so the government did something right for once.
no, actually, everyone owes the government a living.
because you wouldn't be where you are right now if not for the education system here.
no matter what level of education.
the higher the level of education of a person, the lower their respect for the beings around them.

we're only seventeen. but we're so screwed.

if anyone who knows jiawen sees this,
please tell her siti misses her. very much.

i saw too many familiar faces for my own good tonight.

one face beats them all. didn't see that face.

i cried on eddie's lap, thinking of you. if i had all the money in the world, i'd give you a dollar for each of the good times we had. you'd be a minute-millionaire. and cure bolivia of poverty.

i told cat i loved him tonight. and that i loved eddie too. i think i broke his heart. but he breaks mine every time he looks at me; so we're even.

we're so wasted.